You might remember yesterday we had a show listener called Chris from Limerick on giving his personal advice as to why you should all start asking people out today (Ask ‘Em Out Day tm)
He was so great I suggested he should be writing a book (I particularly liked his use of the mantra of Del Boy). Well he’s crafted me a mail which I share with you….
Approaching your secret desire….
Ok, so every day your secretly gazing at the unsuspecting object of your desire……….he or she is oblivious to your feelings towards them, but oh boy, how you wish you could let them know, ….if only you could find the courage and confidence to ask them out or tell them how you feel. Well, you CAN, you just have to convince yourself you can instead of finding excuses why you can’t. Face it, your frequent fantasies about this person will remain just that, unless you approach them and tell them how you feel. So, to point you in the right direction and hopefully give you the push you need here is a rough guide to making that move….
Step One: The Preparation.
Firstly, physical preparation. ‘Doh’, a bit obvious you might think, but more important here because if you know you look as good as you can, your confidence will rise and more confidence is what you need right now. So, getting ready for the moment, comb your hair, shine your shoes and tweezer that rogue nostril hair, (applies to both sexes equally)….God is in the detail…..As for mental preparation, two mantras come into play here, ‘He who dares wins’ (this applies to everything in life) & ‘I have NOTHING lose’. The first one speaks for itself; Del Boy was bang on there. The latter is what you will come to realise through experience. Honestly, you really have nothing to lose. In fact, even if your advance is rejected, I bet that very shortly afterwards you’ll say to yourself, ‘hey, that wasn’t so bad after all’, and the next time it will be even easier.
Step Two: The Location.
Exactly where and when do you bite the bullet and do the deed? Obviously you don’t want to do it in the canteen within earshot of Mary, Morag and Mags…so whether you work with the person or see them on the bus every Saturday; this has to be chosen with care. Choose a time and place without the possibility of interruption, this will help relax you, naturally.…so choose wisely…Maybe even study your ‘targets’ movements a bit closer before you decide on a suitable time and location….(be careful here though, too much study could easily be mistaken for stalking…..)
Step Three: The Approach.
What on earth do you say? Sorry, but your largely on your own here as to exact wording, simply because everyone is different, both you and your target are unique and only you know what you can say with any semblance of confidence…..fear not though simple rules apply here and these are in fact the golden rules. BE YOURSELF, no acts, don’t try to be super cool if your not, believe me, you CANNOT fake ‘cool’……see Will Smith in ‘Hitch’, now he cool…. BE HONEST, and just keep it simple, ‘you keep popping into my head’, or something equally simple but honest, it will be far easier to say than trying to wax lyrical when really your dying to get it over with.
Step Four: The Response.
Your moment of truth will have one of three outcomes, ‘Yes’, ‘No’ or ‘let me think about it’, (the exact wordings of which of course depend on the person). If its ‘yes’, your sorted, job done, ‘wow, that was easy’, but a note of caution here, it is at this point above all others that your faculties can fail you and time stands still while you grasp for something intelligible to say…..this is brought on by euphoria….If its ‘no’, (or softer words to that effect) you will be surprised at how your self preservation mechanism kicks in here enabling you to respond gracefully and exit stage left with your head held high. Bear in mind too that you now can at least start to get over it, everyday people get over broken 20 year plus relationships, so come on, how long is it going to take you to get over this fantasy…. Believe me also, and this is important, NO decent person, or at least any person who would have been worth having a relationship with in the first place will think badly of you, or sneer at you or have any negative thoughts toward you for having approached them, they will no doubt at the very least admire your courage and probably even think more of you for it. As for the third outcome, this is the toughie as it could go either way but as it will result in either a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’, the above still applies.
So, that’s it really, in a nutshell that could easily be expanded to an epic tome of advice, but the basics that always apply are there. Remember the mantras, ‘He who dares wins’ & ‘I have NOTHING to lose’, convince yourself of these, and the infallible truths, BE YOURSELF & BE HONEST, you won’t slip up if you are……………..good luck